My hand turned me down
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
