I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
