Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
