I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All the doctor said was why
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
