Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
