I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
