Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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