I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
