I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
