Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
MIDGETS
????
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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