Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
