It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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