I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
