i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
