if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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