sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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