Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My ATM looks so different sober.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
