Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
