I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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