Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
