I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
