i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
