My room smells like vodka and shame
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
