It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I could fuck to npr.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
