everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
