I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
