she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
