I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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