Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
