his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
