17 year olds will be the death of me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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