remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
