I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
