I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
