You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
