Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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