i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
