she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
