Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
