your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need water and some morals
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
