I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
