Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
