the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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