ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
