The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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