At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was born a porn star she said
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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