why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Houston, we have a squirter
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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