i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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