He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
