Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
